Truly Alone
by Ael L. Bolt
Summary: OoTP spoilers inside Harry contemplates the muchspeculatedupon death in the story, and reflects on what that person meant to him. Don't read if you haven't read OoTP yet!


Truly Alone  
  
By Ael L. Bolt  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Genre: Angst  
  
Spoilers: OoTP  
  
Summary: After his fifth year, Harry has ample time to reflect on the death of his closest confidant and friend.  
  
Author's Notes: If you haven't read OoTP yet and don't want the ending spoiled for you, for Merlin's sake bookmark this and read it once you have. You know all those rumors about one of Harry's closest "fans" dying? I'll tell you this: it's not Hagrid.  
  
Author's Notes #2 - For The Curious: Wondering how I got this out so fast, after OoTP being released TODAY? Well, I preordered this sucker offa Amazon.com with a release day delivery guarantee. Got it at 10 AM this morning, finished it around 6 PM between visits of various family members (why'd it hafta be today? Ask my dad, they're his parents). I've been clocked at around 5000 words per minute, and I actually read this one as SLOW AS I COULD to savor all the details. It only took me that long. Hats off to anyone who read this as fast or faster than I. I'm willing to bet most of you won't be able to read this for a good week or so.  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all other things associated, including OoTP, belong to JKR, that lucky girl.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
He's dead.  
  
I still can't believe it. I saw him die, saw him fall backwards through the black veil and I still can't really believe he's gone.  
  
I remember it like it was yesterday; the Death Eaters throwing curses left and right, me trying to haul Neville out of the way, and then.gone. I don't really remember Remus trying to hold me back as I tried to run after him, but I can remember screaming my throat bloody, can still smell the death on the air, and I could've sworn one of the thestrals screamed out to me as if in mutual understanding.  
  
We spent so long in his house, with the crazy portrait of his mother and his disgruntled house elf, the blanket-like tapestry spelling out his relations to the Malfoys and the Lestranges and the Weasleys, and even the doxies in the curtains. I can remember the stench of the old furniture as Mrs. Weasley burnt it, too filthy to restore. I even remember the morning of my trial, when he reassured me a dozen different times that I would be cleared of all charges.  
  
Aunt Petunia won't understand, that is a fact, and Dudley won't even try. Uncle Vernon seems confused by it all, but at least he's leaving me alone. Dudley spends all of his time in his room now, gibbering incoherently about darkness and cold, while my Aunt Petunia still wonders why the dementors attacked us last summer at all. She's my only blood relation left, but she doesn't even seem like she's related to me in the slightest.  
  
Mum and Dad are dead.  
  
Uncle Peter is worse than dead.  
  
Moony was never all that close to me, for fear of accidentally passing on his curse to me.  
  
He was my last link to my past, and now he's gone forever.  
  
I can't help but blame myself for his death, of course. If I hadn't been stupid enough to believe the visions that Voldemort was sending me, I would've used that mirror to contact him and find out if he was all right. No, ickle Harry had to rely on Floo and a demented house elf who didn't even like him.  
  
Ron and Hermione make all the right noises of sympathy, of course, but they don't understand. Hermione still has both of her parents. Ron's got both parents, five brothers, and a sister. They're always surrounded by people that love them, that can give them ice cream and take them to the zoo and just hold them when they've had a nightmare and need to have a good cry.  
  
Not me.  
  
I thought I'd known loneliness before. My parents were dead, my relatives hated me, and no one at school wanted to be associated with me. Then came Hogwarts, and then he came, and I thought everything was going to get better.  
  
Now he's dead, and it's my fault.  
  
He was the last one who knew me and my parents, the only one I could really rely on no matter what the circumstances were. In a way, he's lucky. He's been reunited with ol' Prongs and Lily, and they're all having fun up There without me. Now I am truly alone in this world.  
  
But far be it from me to be selfish. If anyone deserves such happiness after such a hard life, it's him.  
  
My godfather.  
  
Sirius Black. 


End file.
